Asking for help, Coaching, Expectations vs Reality, It's ok to not be ok, Life challenges, Unhelpful Feelings, Unhelpful Thoughts

Freedom from Unhelpful Expectations: ‘You SHOULD be happy because you …..’

….. <fill in the blank>

I’m genuinely fascinated by how people think and in particular I always want to know more about ‘what prevents someone from talking or getting help when they don’t feel ok?’. (This feels like that start of a Carrie Bradshaw article!). On World Mental Health Day I posted this lovely little image:


Targetting the stigma around mental health issues and how a lot of people still feel ashamed to admit they are not ok. What I’m talking about here isn’t quite as serious as anxiety/depression/stress but like most little ‘niggles’, it’s like that one piece of fruit that if it isn’t spotted and removed it rots the rest of the box! The Expectation we put on ourselves (or other put on us) to be happy is like a little rotten strawberry that can ruin the whole punit!

With huge trends in mindfulness and gratitude (which are great for helping us focus on the positives) its not that easy and some people feel ungrateful or ashamed to admit that despite being able to list all the things they should be grateful for, they simply don’t feel ok but daren’t admit it to anyone for fear of the immortal words; what have you got to be unhappy about ‘you live in Spain’, ‘you’ve got loads of friends’, ‘you’ve got a great job’, ‘you’re married with a lovely family’, ‘you’ve got 3 healthy kids’, ‘you’ve got plenty of money’ and my favourite ‘you’ve got both arms and legs’! Sometimes, despite everything, we simply don’t feel ok.

Here in Spain it’s more prevalent because, hey what’s not to love about living on the sunny Costa Del Sol!? The more people I talk to about this the more I realise just how many people have experienced this unrealistic expectation. Just because the sun shines  doesn’t mean you (or anyone else in a ‘privileged position’) is immune from unhelpful feelings. (You just feel a bit warmer!)

All the people I’m currently working with at some point moved to start a new life and with that have taken on the exciting but major challenge of building that new life. Learning a language, acquiring local knowledge, new friendships, setting up new businesses, dealing with a loss of identity, security, familiarity …. and and and…. If this is you, I hear you, it’s a huge challenge. Certainly one I’ve struggled with at times. (But you’re a Life Coach and a really confident person, surely you shouldn’t struggle with any life challenges). I’m fortunate enough that I’m a talker, I ask for help, I seek comfort, I cry, seek reassurance, solutions, support and without it I think I’d have lost my mind. Just because you’re perceived to have everything doesn’t make you immune from feeling sad, lost, scared…. There’s no shame in it! Like most problems- I’ll bet you a lot of money that if you talk about it you’ll realise your not alone, and that in itself is a major comfort and step towards feeling better! Be brave, talk about it, , contact me and ask for help 🙂



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